just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
