never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize