I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
