I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
