can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In other news, I just burned my penis
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize