Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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