Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
