I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize