Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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