Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
