Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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