I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
