ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
