dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
