"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
