two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
