RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
