how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
