you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
