don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I would ride that face into the sunset
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
