I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
