I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
