Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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