I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
