I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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