Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize