New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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