i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
