I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
