You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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