hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
