I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
