Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
