It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
