I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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