If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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