why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
