well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
