I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
