I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
