He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
