It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
