Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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