I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
