Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
