im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I could fuck to npr.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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