dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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