I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
