I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
