is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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