u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
