Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
