You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
