im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
