wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
