i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
