her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
