It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
