she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
