If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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