No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
