can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
