you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
