Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize