I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
