oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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