I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
pray to the hookup gods
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
